empty handed but alive in your hands

ive realized something this weekend.
this weekend i was at Acquire the Fire, in Hamilton, and for bascially the entire conference i was feeling discouraged. Everything that the speaker spoke about had no depth. i wasnt feeling challanged, bascially everything that i saw, sang and heard didnt connect with me. I was feeling really dry.
The theme of the conference was "Let Your Voice Be Heard". I think this theme was a really great idea, but its hard to grow with the theme. It was more like a step-by-step manual on getting your voice heard, and speaking out for your generation. I guess that i was going into the weekend looking for something different.
Regardless, what a beautiful idea! Many of us struggle with an overload of emotion inside of us, in the deepest parts of our souls, but negelect to let that come out, because it is not what is seen as "right" or "acceptable" for society. The theme was encouraging because it told believers how to express who they are, and the mighty God they serve.

Nevertheless, what i was hearing (before i was able to relate it to my own life), was challanging for me to learn from. Before the weekend i had a discussion with a close friend of mine, and he told me that he felt God was going to work in me this weekend. That he just felt God presences, and that it was going to be strong in my life. So, honestly, i did have expectations. But my expectations did not match up with what God had in mind.

During the weekend, there were two things that got me the most. The drama, and the last prayer that we did at the whole event. After seeing the drama, my life came into focus, and i realized that i have a purpose on earth, and it isnt of my own choice. Its Gods will for my life. That face, in itself, is a scary thought, but after seeing the skit, i was able to challange who i was, and how i acted towards the people that God so dearly loves, but that the world casts aside.This weekend i was challanged to change who i am. and to REALIZE that who i am, is not ME, but it is God in me. I am not defined by my talents, or where ive been, or what ive done. None of that matters in the big picture of things. and when we stress ourselves over the small things, to find popularity, affirmation in things other then God and happiness, we are left empty.
This weekend challanged me to live every moment to serve God. Our conversations with others, a smile in the hall, or just giving someone assurace that they are accepted, can have a bigger impact than what anyone would expect. That is how i want to live my life; earnestly seeking god, and loving others.

So that is why i have this blog. To share with everyone my thoughts, and my challanges and the brokeness that i experiance. Some days it will be silly and all over the place, but overall i want it to be a reflection of where i am at and how i am being changed. My prayer is that this can be honest, and that it not only challanges myself, but also readers, to be who they are HONESTLY called to be.

let see where this takes us.