in light of everything

these past few days have been hard.
i have been upset. i have been lonely. basically all over the place.
i cant focus. i dont know what i need to go.
i just felt like i was standing still, while everyone and everything moved past me and around me.
and its an overwhelming feeling. the feeling of being stuck.
unsure what my next should should be.
and its been hard.

alot of stuff has hit me hard.. all at once.
and i wasnt ready for it. and i wasnt expecting it.
i have been really happy. ive been feeling really blessed and at peace... so all of the stress and emotional strain hit pretty hard.

i came to God with it. i gave it to him.
i could talk to as many people as i want to about it.
i could ask for support. but nothing is like the grace and deliverance of god.
he supplied alot of peace. and im so thankful for that.
in light of all of the pain that i was feeling.. he was there.
and he took away what i could not take away myself.

Today i went for a walk. just to clear my head and fill my lungs with some winter air.
i was so taken aback by my walk.
as i walked through the nature area i was really taken given time to think.
all of the leaves where gone. the pond was frozen, just on top.
everything was just in the very fragile and raw state.
i could see through all of the tress. everything was very exposed.

and... isnt it like that with our relationship with God.
like trees, we have stuff that cover us from god; our pride, our pain, our addiction, whatever it is... just like leaves on a tree.
but in these moments.. where we experiance brokeness, where we are unable to support ourselves.. we are become completely bare and god see's all of us.
and thats when he can heal us. we cant hide ourselves.. and thats when god touches our hearts.
i am just feeling so filled, despite times of stress.

i am incapable, but the lover of my soul is capable. and i can rest.