i love the sun

my room has this huge window in it.
and the sun goes down on my window's side of the house.
and i get to enjoy the last bit of sun as it brings the day to a close.
right now. snow is being thrown around by the wind, but the sun, it just creates beauty.
and the sun never really changes.
it is always there. it may come and leave at different times.
but it symbolizes time.
the same sun that warms our faces in the winter, will be tucked away behind the clouds during the fresh rain in spring.
that same sun will highlight the beauty of nature in the summer and will escape to allow the tress to embrace their fall colours.

i love the sun for that reason.
it is there. highlighting the best and worst in our lives.

and the creator of the universe gave us the sun.
to keep us moving, encouraged about the future and warm.

i love the sun.

in light of everything

these past few days have been hard.
i have been upset. i have been lonely. basically all over the place.
i cant focus. i dont know what i need to go.
i just felt like i was standing still, while everyone and everything moved past me and around me.
and its an overwhelming feeling. the feeling of being stuck.
unsure what my next should should be.
and its been hard.

alot of stuff has hit me hard.. all at once.
and i wasnt ready for it. and i wasnt expecting it.
i have been really happy. ive been feeling really blessed and at peace... so all of the stress and emotional strain hit pretty hard.

i came to God with it. i gave it to him.
i could talk to as many people as i want to about it.
i could ask for support. but nothing is like the grace and deliverance of god.
he supplied alot of peace. and im so thankful for that.
in light of all of the pain that i was feeling.. he was there.
and he took away what i could not take away myself.

Today i went for a walk. just to clear my head and fill my lungs with some winter air.
i was so taken aback by my walk.
as i walked through the nature area i was really taken given time to think.
all of the leaves where gone. the pond was frozen, just on top.
everything was just in the very fragile and raw state.
i could see through all of the tress. everything was very exposed.

and... isnt it like that with our relationship with God.
like trees, we have stuff that cover us from god; our pride, our pain, our addiction, whatever it is... just like leaves on a tree.
but in these moments.. where we experiance brokeness, where we are unable to support ourselves.. we are become completely bare and god see's all of us.
and thats when he can heal us. we cant hide ourselves.. and thats when god touches our hearts.
i am just feeling so filled, despite times of stress.

i am incapable, but the lover of my soul is capable. and i can rest.

life.

im listening to Hungry by Joy Williams.
and i just read a blog by a close friend of mine.
and it just... pulled something in my heart. this real truth. something that was very real in my own life, but i just hadn't realized.

this past weekend i was at my camp.
and i was home. not home in brooklin.
i was just home. i was at peace.

that place is such an escape.
a place that lets you just become the raw person that god created you to be.
and i feel so myself there.

these people just surround you. and love you.
not the cheap kind of love. the heart on msn love.
this love, where they will sit with you and listen to every word you say.
that they will tease you, and make you feel cared for.
the love that is so evident when they smile at you. and so genuine.

they bring out the best in me. and thats so cliche.
but its true.
i can say the dumbest things. and its okay.
they laugh. and take me for this thing that i am.

i dont have to create myself. i have no image to unhold. no expectations to meet.
they see me in the eyes that christ sees me. and its just...
its incrediable. and im so thankful for that.
i have learned how to love. and how to be patient. and how to be weak. and how you be strengthed.


its a glimpse of heaven.
a place after life, that i, who am completely undeserving, will experiance.
and that gives me hope.