disabled

last night i was sitting with my friends and we had a discussion that really got to me.

at the time, i didnt feel like arguing what they were saying. it was 3 against 1. and i didnt want to make a fool out of myself in attempt to make a good argument.

to be honest. i didnt want to argue about something so close to me.
i didnt feel like we were all on the same page. and i knew it would hurt me more.

the conversation topic started as abortion.
i am against it. and honestly.. im not going to get into that.. becuase that is not the focus of this thing.

anyways.. we then got on the discussion topic of aborting a child if they had a disibility. To end a childs life, becuase they have a mental or physically difference from what is considered normals.
and this got me. it hit me hard.

this summer i worked closely with children who lived their lives with a disibilty. Some things were harder for them, but some things came easily. They were entirely unique and loving and full of life. They were challangeing, and at times, you had enough, but... you found that in every child. The end result was this beatiful relationship. These children.. when i was writing about it the night before, just brough me to tears. They were... amazing. and a gift from god. a gift that we learned from, a gift that those around them were blessed to experiance. they were amazing.

i truly think that families that are blessed with these children are capable of loving their child the way that they need to be loved, the way that any child needs to be loved. God knows the hearts of the parents and knows their capabilities. more than that... he offers strength.

Another thing that camp up "There are so many children in the world... why would you bring another child in.."
its so true tho. there are so many other children in the world. but i feel that it is very far from related to a reason FOR having an abortion. it it entirely different.

What are we doing about these children? the children that are in foster care or that wait in an adoption home. not alot. i feel so strongly towards this. it pulls at my heart.
these children need love. its not to say we stop having children.. to focus on these kids. but we need to be responsible. we need to take action to love on others. love on others but ourselves.

i then got thinking about how this could really... effect me.
what about all of us?! we see these children and people with mental and physical challanges. and we all know they are effected by it. it is evident. but what about us?
all of us have a different struggle. one that is hidden. weather it is drugs, alchol, sex, disobediance, lying. whatever. we are all struggling with our own personal dissabilites. we are the exact same.


it just hit me really hard.
and i need to sort this out.

Colleen

10:27

i have been talking to a friend of mine for the past 30 minutes.
and i have been really touched by our conversation.

we are talking about what we use to hide who we are.
and pressure.
and just not feeling okay. or happy. or feeling affirmation, that we all search for in our lives.

ive really discovered that i can easily slip into the space where it is so easy to just... push people away. i make funny and snarky/mean jokes. and i just... try to stay away from the point.
and i close my heart to everyone. because i dont NEED to let people in.

i want, so desperately, to get away from this.

i want to invite people in. and be gentle. and.. loving. and.. just. vanurable. i will allow people to hurt me, if that get one glimpse at the lover of my soul.
thats all.

i know ive probably written this before.
but. thats where im at.

Colleen

found.

this really touched me today.
listen to the lyrics.

reflect.
let it be what it will to your heart.

Colleen.